Monday, June 6, 2011

Not my usual

When someone you trust attacks you verbally and makes you cry, do you also wonder how much they might have a point? The attack was wrong and unwarranted. The topic could have been discussed, calmly like rational people where there was some give-and-take rather than one-sided yelling...but. I'm worn and teary and very upset, but I still wonder if that person had a point and I need to make some changes to my usual ways of going about things. I'd like to think this is wisdom, the ability to take stock of oneself and try to improve...but I'm still really upset. I hate it when people are nasty, whether there was a real point hidden underneath or not.

I think that most people, children or adults, have tantrums when the issue is really something else entirely. The person is hungry, thirsty, tired, cold, hot, worried, stressed, unwell...and something (or someone) else sets the person off or just becomes the unlucky recipient of all that pent-up strain. I'm fairly sure that's what just happened to me. I'd love to wish such things would never happen, but we're all human. We all lose it, fairly or unfairly, from time to time. Someone is going to take the brunt, rightly or wrongly, when we do. Is it best then to just accept this human nature and drop it? Does there have to be a discussion of all the ins and outs and whys and whatnots after an apology is offered?

Observing this with children is so easy. They lose it; they move on. They accept that this is normal, not a cause for deep analysis of a relationship. They don't wallow or fester, waiting for it to happen again. The cool-down period and the apology makes the end, and all is new again.

There is much to learn from them.

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